I feel like abortions should bother me more
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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