I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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