everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
