maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
