i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize