Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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