I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize