He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
