Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
