my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize