i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i permit you to call me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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