Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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