one might say we're banned from that church
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
