I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize