I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
