did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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