On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
