I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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