I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
