I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
