I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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