Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
