omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
