Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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