Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We had to coat check the pizza.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Terrible idea I love it
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
