She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize