I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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