I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
