i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He did a backflip because drugs
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
