His hands were made for my vagina.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
