Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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