have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
