The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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