It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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