Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
