im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
