I'm gonna have a badass scar
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
