all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
