reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
