just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
