so explain again why im purple
no
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
