Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
