ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
