She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
