Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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