I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
