I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
