its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize