Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
