After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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