Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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