I've blown a few things in my day
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
