even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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