This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
