So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
