I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Im part way to drunk.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
