I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
