New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize