I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
