i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This is the high leading the old right now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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