On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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