I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
