I'm laying in your front yard are you home
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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