We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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