so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Drake has all the answers
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
