i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
