Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
