remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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