Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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