no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize