Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
