I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
