Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
